Infatuation and Affection

Today we will discuss the topic of infatuation and affection in detail. But before coming on the main issue I would like to narrate you all a story of my friend. He was my friend of mine since childhood. A boy well built a teenager with a fists sized heart in his chest and a Homo sapiens of strong character. After taking class Xth exam, he was free. He loved spending time with his friends. But in spite of this, he was a victim of no bad habits, which a teenager of his age usually has. One day, he went to meet his friend. The boy whom he went to meet was also a friend of mine. They had a good time chatting together. For some reason, his sister arrived to them; he even met her as a friend. As you can understand, it is neither abnormal, nor ambiguous, he got infatuation.

He was infatuated with her. Days passed gradually. Perhaps it was his good character that made him to realize that he was wrong somewhere. He came to me and expressed his feelings. I was shocked for sometime. I had a long conversation with him and at last I asked him to come out of that infatuation or else, it may discontinue a good relation among friends. Coming out of Psychological depression is not easy. He said that he would try. But he failed. One day after detail contemplation, I asked him to write a letter to her brother expressing all his feelings. I encouraged him and he did write a brief letter. My friend, her brother and I all sat together and discussed the matter. He realized his mistake and apologized for it. The case was over. Imagine this situation with you. Can you reach to same conclusion? It is not possible with everyone. Because we trust no one and there is no transparency. To control a situation, transparency is required to express all what you feel because pillar of lies never stand too long.

Now what is infatuation?

Infatuation is nothing else than just a quality of human being. As we get angry, we get rejoiced, we get depressed, infatuation the same way, sometimes we get infatuated. According to science, “infatuation is a sexual attraction towards an opposite sex for a short period of time”. Being infatuated is not abnormal. It is a sexual behaviour of every human being. Every human being is a victim to infatuation. The only thing to matter is that they are at different degrees.

Sigmund Frieud was a great Psychologist. He did a thorough study of human psychology. According to him, many psychological diseases occur because of depressed desires. It sometimes happens that you become furious, violent in your home itself and start doing mischievous acts like breaking, destroying, shouting etc. Why is it so? It is actually because you are not in a satisfied mood. Something is there which you are unable to express. And you take revenge from your own by doing abnormal deeds.

In case of infatuation, Sigmund Frieud coined two terms:

1. Electra Complex (for girls)

2. Oedipus Complex (for boys)

Electra Complex and Oedipus complex is nothing else than just a condition of boys and girls of 4-6 years of age. He said that infatuation is present in a child from beginning. It increases with age. A small girl, who lives with her father and mother, always see her father and mother together. This awakes his quality of infatuation and a girl is automatically infatuated towards her father. This is not an especial case but a normal behaviour and it happens with all and is called Electra Complex.

The same but analogous behaviour happens with boys. He always sees his father and mother together. Although he is too small to understand anything, naturally he is infatuated towards his mother. This is Oedipus Complex. Both complexes are a natural and perhaps inevitable. Exception lays where a child doesn’t live with his father/mother, or who have lost his parents.

But point to be considered is that you need to check yourself. Try to understand yourself. Become gender sensitive. If you fail to control yourself, a time may come when you may fall a prey to Fetishism. Fetishism a psychological disease in which one himself doesn’t knew what he is doing and what he should do. You lose your mental status. There are many strange cases recorded of Fetishism. One such case is of a person who was in habit of stealing undergarments from shops at night. It is not that he was in need of them. He was just out of control and something was there in his mind, which he had suppressed. He was a victim of Fetishism.

According to Sigmund, Fetishism is also present in everybody but at different degrees. No one can deny that he is not accused of Fetishism. Proof to this fact is while walking on road, girl with jeans and T-Shirt attracts you more than a girl with salwar kurta. Have you ever thought why? This is a question whose answer you cannot find. This is a case of Fetishism which is hidden inside you and while implementing it, you never know what you are doing. This is a normal behaviour. But acting mischievously after getting infatuated is wrong and abnormal. You should always avoid it. To get rid of all these feelings you need to be gender sensitive. Treat everybody equally and as you should. When you went to a shop and you find a lady at the counter, never behave abnormally. Take her just as a common shopkeeper as you take a male one. When you see any female in need of help, always help her as you help your friend. Never think what society will say. It hardly matters. The thing required is that you should be pure by your heat. Live with your opposite sex as you live with your friends. Try to understand each other and you will never fall a victim to infatuation or Fetishism. This was the motive of starting co-ed system of education. So that girls and boys could live together they could understand each other and they could become gender sensitive and a citizen of strong character.

Consider a situation with you. You live in a joint family since childhood. There are your brothers, sisters, cousins etc. in your family. May be your cousin being of your age. But you always treat her as a family member and your friend. You never hesitate living with her, picnicking with her or asking for something. One day another cousin of your age come to visit you for the 1^st or 2^nd time. You feel shy, facing her; you hesitate talking with her etc. Why this happens? It is because you are sensitive with your sister who lives with you, you know each other but you are not sensitive with your cousin whom you rarely meet. This is the reason you act abnormally. Sometime you even get infatuated. But your motive should be to control yourself and give a better output of your behaviour.

Main fact to ponder is that never misunderstand infatuation and affection. Remember that when you are in infatuation, you say you are in love but people say you are not. You can be infatuated with anyone but to be affectionate is very difficult and true affection is rare.

Love is what means affection but society has given a distorted version of love in form of infatuation. You fell in love when you know anybody, you admire him/her, and you are always ready to sacrifice your happiness. These are sign of affection. Affection take birth only when you are serious and you bear sufferance for it. You are worried about nature so you always plant trees. This is your affection. But when you exclaim seeing beautiful flowers, this is your infatuation. Have sense to distinguish between infatuation and affection and you will never be in psychological disturbance.

Think before you act, always share your feelings. Be transparent with your close ones. Find out your weak points and work over it. I hope you are aware of infatuation and its consequences. Implement them to your real life because this is the motto of lecture series.

Shahbaz